Monday, October 3, 2011

Gleaming the Cube

Yes, I am here to update you on the status of Momma Dog and her baby. On Tuesday I went out to feed them after I walked home. But upon my return to the church with a bag of food there were three little 6th Grade boy skateboarders (skaters, s8ters, skate zombie, and skate rat). For those of you whose skateboarding knowledge is limited to what Christian Slater told you in 1989, have no fear. I've played Tony Hawk's Underground probably once or twice, so I'll walk you through this. My first thought when I saw these champions of the Half-Pipe was, "Are they giving Mountain Dew to Momma-dog?" As I got closer they responded like most young teenagers would when an adult approached...they tried not to look guilty for something they may or may not have done wrong that day or past week.

I was about 30 yards away when Momma-Dog and her baby saw me and started running toward me like I was Santa on Christmas morning. They knew I had food. I was just carrying a bag. I have no idea how they knew. It wasn't a dog food bag. It was a generically unmarked bag with dry dog food in it. I've seen this before. It means only one thing...Kati has already gotten to them. I have no idea how she does it. I'm not sure if she texts them, sneaks out while I'm asleep, or clicks a little Morse Code with a flashlight. It's quite remarkable if you think about it. I will say I was a little surprised when they both were wearing "I heart Kati" t-shirts.

I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook here, so I led the dogs back around the church to the gym doors (where I fed them before). The whole time we were walking over there Momma-Dog and her baby were jumping up and down wanting the food in the bag. They were sniffing, licking their lips, and I think I heard Momma-Dog ask, "How's Kati?" but I'm not sure. I look back and I saw Jr. Bam Margera and his two buddies perfecting their Ollies. We get over to the gym doors and I pour out the food. They are all over it! Eating like crazy. They were so excited, they got some dirt on their "I heart Kati" shirts, but I had a Tide-to-go pen so no worries.

The perfect time to make a getaway is while they eat. I jog around the church and make it back to the main parking lot and our little skaters have moseyed on up the parking lot.

"Hey what's going on guys?"

quietly, "Um...nothing."

"Aren't you skateboarding?"

confused yet still quiet, "Um....................yeah?"

I walked up and introduced myself and shook their hands. They opened up a little and told me their names, but still looked guilty for something (got to love those teenagers). I turned to leave and left them with the salutation I leave almost every teenager I'm around, "Great talking to you guys. Be careful and don't break anything." I was probably five steps away when one of them said:

"Hey, them your dogs? (yes we live in the South)

"No, I'm just feeding them....you'll understand when you get married."

"Oh, but they're not yours?"

"No sir." Then without my control my lovely bride's thought process sprang forth from my mouth. "Have you been mean to those dogs?"

"N-no sir."

"Are you lying to me? Because I can tell if you're lying. It's part of my job. Plus I can find out who your parents are and call them. Do you want me to do that?" (Thank you Kati. I just gave these 6th graders a ShakeDown like Ice-T on Law and Order.)

"No, we promise! We were petting them earlier and gave them something to drink. They were thirsty!"

Sighing "...........Did you give them Mountain Dew?"

"It's all we had!"

By this time I knew Momma-Dog and her baby were almost finished eating so I had to run. I sprinted away and got to the house safe and sound. I went into my office in my house (there is a window that faces the church). I opened the blinds and the Three Amigos were skating around and Momma-Dog and her baby were running around them. They all went to the road and Skated over the hill toward the sunset together. Hand in paw scratching their fleas as they went (I'm not telling you who had the fleas).

I spoke to one of the Skaters at church last night and he is keeping both dogs and is feeding them well. Mamma-Dog and her baby have a home and food (at least for now). Once again, Kati is Happy. The dogs are happy. Little Christian Slater is happy. And I am happy that God's sense of humor didn't give us two more dogs.

God Bless us everyone.

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